


in increments

by shadowdance



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Can be read platonic or romantic, Minor Spoilers, Prerelease, Relationship Study, Unresolved Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-28 08:39:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19808695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowdance/pseuds/shadowdance
Summary: ("Do you know me at all?")Felix is upset at Dimitri, and Dimitri doesn't know why. The truth is, neither does Felix.





	in increments

**Author's Note:**

> This was a warm-up that escalated really far, and if I'm 100% honest this isn't my top ship for either of them. But I wanna know why Felix supposedly doesn't like Dimitri, so here we are.

“Hey,” Dimitri says, “can I talk to you?”

It’s late. Dimitri is standing outside the dorms, arms crossed, eyes narrowed. Felix knows he’s been waiting for him to come back, which is precisely why he waited so long. He forgot how tenacious Dimitri was, though. Forgot he could stay up so late, especially for him.

“No,” Felix says. “I’m tired.”

Dimitri bites his lip. This is the boy who Felix grew up with, the boy who promised he would never hurt him—so maybe that’s why it’s too hard to look at Dimitri now. Because when Felix looks at Dimitri, all he feels is some sort of flinch in his chest, an old ache.

“Felix—” Dimitri tries, but Felix shakes his head.

“Forget it, boar. Go to bed.”

“Wait—”

Felix shoves past him and enters his dorm, shutting the door as softly as he can. He can hear the lingering echoes of an unasked question: _what did I do wrong? Why are you avoiding me? Why won’t you talk to me?_

Felix waits. He has no answers ready.

Dimitri never comes in.

+

This isn’t the first time Dimitri has tried talking to him. He’s tried during lunch, tried during class, tried during training lessons, which must show how desperate he really is. But Felix is always able to shove him off, always able to deflect his words. Eventually, Dimitri stops trying. Which is good, Felix supposes.

But he can still hear Dimitri’s questions in his mind, circling in his head. _Do you hate me? Did I do something wrong? What did I do?_

Felix never has any answers ready. The only one he knows is, _of course I don’t hate you._ But he stops there, because he doesn’t have the details to fill in the rest, and the truth is something that hurts him. If Felix promised to never hurt Dimitri, then he thinks the truth will do the opposite. It’ll cleave a hole in Dimitri’s chest, leave behind something raw and open, give him a wound that will never quite heal.

So Felix keeps it in. Keeps it all in, and watches Dimitri’s face fall every time he shifts away. That, he supposes, hurts less.

+

Ingrid picks up on it, because she’s _Ingrid_ and nothing can escape her. She slides in the seat opposite to Felix and says, “What’s wrong?”

Felix’s grip tightens on his quill. “Nothing.”

“You won’t talk to Dimitri. He’s worried.”

Felix bends his head low, trying to pay attention to his homework. “It’s nothing. He’ll figure it out.”

Ingrid isn’t stupid. She reaches over and taps his hand, makes him meet her eyes. He doesn’t want to, so he only connects his gaze for a moment before looking away.

“Felix. What happened? You never—”

It’s too hard to explain. Felix can’t explain the prickling annoyance under his skin, can’t explain how the thread between him and Dimitri is unraveling. It’s his own doing, it’s his own fault, but the truth lies somewhere deep in his chest, and he can’t quite pull it out yet. It hurts too much.

“You don’t get it,” he interrupts, laying his hands flat on the table. “So don’t try to talk to me about it.”

“Then talk to _him_ ,” Ingrid says, narrowing her eyes. She circles one finger on the table, eyes trained on Felix.

“No.”

“Talk to him.”

Felix grits his teeth. “No,” he says, “absolutely _not_ ,” and he stands up and shoves himself away from his chair, hands in his pockets, head low. He can feel Ingrid’s gaze trail after him; _talk to him_ burns in his skull.

He can’t.

+

The truth is, Felix doesn’t really know why he’s so upset.

There are a lot of things that stem from it. Maybe it’s the way Dimitri still acts all polite and proper, still hangs a smile on his face like it’s genuine, still acts like nothing is wrong. Maybe it’s because Felix has always given Dimitri the truth, the rawness of it all, and Dimitri won’t do the same back to him. It’s stupid, Felix knows. But he can’t help it.

Maybe—and this is the closest he’ll get to the truth, Felix figures—it’s the way Dimitri smiles and talks and acts like the prince he is supposed to be, and Felix looks at him and thinks, _I don’t know you at all._

+

Felix remembers, when they were kids, they would tell each other everything.

There was one time where he didn’t feel like sparring, didn’t feel like doing anything, but he didn’t want to be in his room. Naturally, Dimitri found him in the training grounds, a sword in his lap and his gaze tilted towards the clouds.

“What’s wrong?” he’d asked, and Felix turned away.

“Who let you in?”

Dimitri sat down next to him. “Myself. I _am_ the prince, you know.” His lips tilted upwards, but Felix didn’t smile back. Dimitri’s grin faded. “Anyway, what’s wrong?”

Felix snorted. “What makes you think I’m upset?”

Dimitri rolled his eyes. “You’re sitting in the sparring grounds, but you’re not doing anything. You’re glaring at the sky like it did a personal attack on you.” He hesitated, and then added, “I know you, Felix. That’s a stupid question. So what’s wrong?”

 _I know you._ There was no defense against that.

“It’s my dad,” Felix said shortly. Not a full confession, but Dimitri understood. That’s the thing; Dimitri understood.

“Want to talk about it?”

Felix shook his head. Dimitri nodded.

“Well, whenever you want to,” he said. “just talk to me.”

So now, Felix thinks, with more years down the road and a gap widening between him and Dimitri, he can’t just talk to him. It’s too hard.

 _So,_ _Dimitri_. _Do you know me now? Do you know me at all? Do you know me?_

+

They run into each other in a hallway.

Dimitri is coming back from a lesson with Byleth, and Felix is coming back from sparring with Sylvain. Felix takes one look at Dimitri and contemplates running the other direction, but Dimitri has already seen him. His gaze lights up.

“Felix!”

Felix grinds his teeth. “Hi.”

He doesn’t inch any closer. Neither does Dimitri. The space between them is big, but Dimitri still makes himself heard.

“What have you been doing?” It’s an awkward question, and Dimitri makes it worse by tacking on a shy smile. They were never like this before.

“Sparring,” Felix says. His grip tightens on his sword. “That’s all.”

“We should spar sometime again.”

“I guess.”

The tension is so thick that it almost wraps around his neck and squeezes. Felix wonders if Dimitri feels it, too. It’s suffocating.

Then Dimitri sighs. “Hey,” he says, his tone serious, “I wanted to ask you something.”

He’s not foolish enough to let it slip by. Felix was stupid for thinking he wouldn’t. Bitterness sprouts in his chest again, tangling around his heart like an ugly weed; of course Dimitri hasn’t given up. Of course he wants to talk, but it’s too painful to talk do so. Felix sets his jaw furiously.

“I can’t. I have to be somewhere.”

Dimitri’s face falls. “Wait, Felix—”

Felix shoves him past him, his shoulder knocking against Dimitri’s. His heart hitches in his throat, but he can’t look at Dimitri. Can’t talk to him, can’t do anything.

“Hey, wait,” Dimitri calls after him, and desperation hitches in his tone. “Talk to me. Won’t you talk to me?”

Deep inside his heart, Felix wants to. He knows he should, knows that if he turns around, Dimitri will be there with one hand out. Dimitri will _understand_ , and everything can go back to the way it was. It doesn’t have to be like this.

Felix keeps walking.

**Author's Note:**

> epilogue: Ingrid locks them in a closet to talk it out so it's okay. I promise


End file.
